Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Remember Things?

Hey guys, remember things?

Tonight I was thinking about the Matrix, which came out 11 years ago last week. How crazy is that? Anyway, there's that whole bit about "There is no spoon," and as I recall, everyone used to say that like all the time.

That was totally a thing!

But now it's 11 years later, and they decided to release two shitty sequels within 6 months of each other in 2003, so those late 90's glory days where they reinvented special effects are all but a distant memory. It's a tragedy really. You can't just say "The Matrix is a really good movie" without adding "I mean the first one."

It's kind of like Star Wars, but it's better in some ways, and worse in others. It's worse because Star Wars had 20 years to be the biggest thing to happen to movies ever before George Lucas made Phantom Menace and started that whole thing. Remember when the worst thing about Star Wars was the Ewoks, and they weren't really all that bad?

That was totally a thing, too!

But Star Wars had become a cultural thing, part of our shared history (maybe I'm only looking at this as a young, male nerd, but whatever). There was no way a few crappy movies could take down the original trilogy. The Matrix didn't have those 20 unblemished years, it only had 4.

But because Star Wars was such a powerhouse of awesome and was a testament to George Lucas' vision and talent, it made his fall from grace that much worse. Howard the Duck could be written of as a folly of the 80s. But we met Jar Jar Binks who brought fart jokes to Star Wars. Christ, George, why don't we just edit Casablanca so Rick gets a bad case of gas at the airport? Talk about amounting to a hill of beans.

And along with the prequels came the changes to the original. That was the worst. Hayden Christensen is now the face of Darth Vader after he dies? Sooo... he doesn't redeem himself and the last time he was a good person was before all that shit in Revenge of the Sith?

So here we are. Thirty-seven years after American Graffiti when Lucas hit the Hollywood scene ready to show the world he was capable of contributing. Thirty-three years after he changed the world with Star Wars, revolutionizing the way they make movies and inspiring filmmakers for decades. And twenty-nine years after teaming up with Spielberg and introducing us to Indiana Jones, easily one of the coolest heroes of all time. And where are we?

He's making an animated Star Wars comedy series with Seth Green. Idiot child, will not stop churning out the same jokes under a different name Seth Green. It's going to be Robot Chicken with Alec Guinness action figures. And we're going to have to watch it because it's Star Wars, and we can't not watch Star Wars.

Remember when the worst thing he ever did was have Greedo shoot first?

I miss that thing.

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